Some of my friends who have adopted call the process 'the trying to get pregnant phase....'
and then when you have a match you are 'pregnant'. Sometimes this ends in a 'miscarriage' if the match fails for whatever reason. Of course miscarriage is a harsh term considering how devestating such a thing can be. Losing a match can be that heartbreaking. The whole process can be very frustrating, heartbreaking, and painful.
So I sit here wondering if I am pregnant.
I recieved the good news that the social worker of the sibling set we want so badly has chosen us.
YAY!!! right?
But there is another step in that county that I didn't know about.
The placement committee.
The childrens social worker will present us to this committee and they have the ultimate decision on if we are the match for these children. I am told that they usually go with the social workers choice. I've also been told that the childrens social worker is very experienced and her opinion is valued, that she will push for us and make it happen. She already weeded out the rest of the homestudies and will only be presenting us.
So...should I be happy??? Should I still be worried???
Am I pregnant???
I'm scared, apprehensive...and yet....I am filled with joy.
Somehow, deep inside I feel they are already mine, yet the logical me keeps saying hold on babe...don't get your hopes up.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Where we are now.
December 13, 2009 - Submitted application to agency.
January 16, 2010 - Began PRIDE classes
February, March, April, May 2010 - Various adoption, foster care & parenting classes.
June 2010 - Livescan
July 2010 - Kevin approved, Christy excluded due to past history.
August 2010 - Appeal for Christy's exclusion began.
October 2010 - Christy approved by state to adopt.
November 2010 - Christy approved by Agency to adopt.
December 2010 - more classes
January, February 2011 - paperwork...lots of paperwork.
March 2011 - Christy's exclusion was lost.
March 2011 - Christys paperwork was found.
March 2011 - Homestudy fees paid
April 2011 - In house visits began
May 2011 - More home study visits
June 2011 - Final homestudy visit including family/friends.
June 2011 - Homestudy complete/approved.
July 01, 2011 - Family profile on the books.
July 08, 2011 - Submitted interest on sibling set.
July 11, 2011 - Notified siblings were already matched.
July 14, 2011 - submitted interest on two sibling sets.
July 28, 2011 - Notified one sibling set RU'd
July 29, 2011 - Notified that we are one of two preferred choices for our preferred sibling set. SW is still trying to decide which family will be best for these two children.
August 2, 2011 - Still waiting on word of match. Praying, wishing, hoping.
Still looking forward to meeting our children....We love them already.....
January 16, 2010 - Began PRIDE classes
February, March, April, May 2010 - Various adoption, foster care & parenting classes.
June 2010 - Livescan
July 2010 - Kevin approved, Christy excluded due to past history.
August 2010 - Appeal for Christy's exclusion began.
October 2010 - Christy approved by state to adopt.
November 2010 - Christy approved by Agency to adopt.
December 2010 - more classes
January, February 2011 - paperwork...lots of paperwork.
March 2011 - Christy's exclusion was lost.
March 2011 - Christys paperwork was found.
March 2011 - Homestudy fees paid
April 2011 - In house visits began
May 2011 - More home study visits
June 2011 - Final homestudy visit including family/friends.
June 2011 - Homestudy complete/approved.
July 01, 2011 - Family profile on the books.
July 08, 2011 - Submitted interest on sibling set.
July 11, 2011 - Notified siblings were already matched.
July 14, 2011 - submitted interest on two sibling sets.
July 28, 2011 - Notified one sibling set RU'd
July 29, 2011 - Notified that we are one of two preferred choices for our preferred sibling set. SW is still trying to decide which family will be best for these two children.
August 2, 2011 - Still waiting on word of match. Praying, wishing, hoping.
Still looking forward to meeting our children....We love them already.....
The backstory....
A lifetime spent as a ward of the court....
At 14 months old I was taken at gunpoint from my biological mother.
I was severely neglected & abused, filthy, emaciated and covered with ciggarette burns.
My great great grandparents (aged 57 & 63) were awarded guardianship. During a course of 13 years the courts would never allow them to legally adopt due to thier advanced age. Raised on a farm with 6 acres and a creek it was a seemingly perfect childhood. I grew up in a christian home, and private school. I was happy. I was spoiled mercilessly. I was molested from as far back as I have memory, until I was around 10, by a 'family friend'.
An example of how spoiled... I rode the pony ride...did not want to get off...2 hours later on that same pony...'daddy' bought me the pony. All of my material childhood desires were granted. As funny as some of the stories are, I look back and smile because I know they loved me. However, they did me a disservice for my future.
At the age of 14, I lost both of my grand parents within 6 months of one another.
From 14 years of age until 18, I had 6 placements.
The first had two bio children. I believe I was brought in to merely care for them. The oldest a girl 2 years younger than I would do things deliberatly and lie that it was me so that I would be punished. This lasted 3 months.
Placement 2 was kincare. By this time due to grief and loss issues it was too late. I belive if this placement would have had the knowledge and tools available today they would have been able to control me and help me heal. Placement lasted 2 years.
3rd placement with bio parent/step parent...and the nightmare continued. A bio mother whose abuse was violently physical and cruelly mental. A step father whose abuse was chronic and severely sexual. This placement lasted 10 months.
4th placement with emergency foster care lasted 6 weeks.
5th placement put me back with previous kincare provider. Lasted 3 months.
6th placement put me with a NREFM (non related extended family member) which lasted for 3 months.
During those tumultuous years I raged within, turning against everyone and everything. At 14 I began useing methamphetamine. This was my drug of choice for the next 17 years. I spent those 17 years in a spiral of self hatred, self abuse, many violent relationships, and the eventual felony conviction. I was killing myself slowly...and I knew it. I even welcomed the idea of death. Yet there was always a small part of me that enjoyed life and perhaps my curiosity of what would happen next that kept me from actual suicide.
After my drug conviction I realized that it was time to make a change. I could no longer continue this way. I knew within a year I would be dead or in prison for good.
The first change was to walk away from a abusive relationship with the clothes on my back. I never looked back. I had 14 days clean at that moment and I began to feel my own internal strength.
The second change was to overcome my addiction. This was a challenge, but I am a very strong willed person...I am a fighter ready to take on challenge.
It is 11 years later. I have survived & overcome. I have 11 years clean. I am a psychology major, and I instruct workshops on R.A.D. I work as an assistant in the local/regional foster/kincare education programs. In 2009 I married the man of my dreams.
In all of this though, even as a child, I knew that I never wanted to birth my own children. As a child I knew that I wanted to adopt the children that nobody else wanted. Now as an adult, I am finally able to realize that dream... Thus our journey to adopt from foster care begins...
At 14 months old I was taken at gunpoint from my biological mother.
I was severely neglected & abused, filthy, emaciated and covered with ciggarette burns.
My great great grandparents (aged 57 & 63) were awarded guardianship. During a course of 13 years the courts would never allow them to legally adopt due to thier advanced age. Raised on a farm with 6 acres and a creek it was a seemingly perfect childhood. I grew up in a christian home, and private school. I was happy. I was spoiled mercilessly. I was molested from as far back as I have memory, until I was around 10, by a 'family friend'.
An example of how spoiled... I rode the pony ride...did not want to get off...2 hours later on that same pony...'daddy' bought me the pony. All of my material childhood desires were granted. As funny as some of the stories are, I look back and smile because I know they loved me. However, they did me a disservice for my future.
At the age of 14, I lost both of my grand parents within 6 months of one another.
From 14 years of age until 18, I had 6 placements.
The first had two bio children. I believe I was brought in to merely care for them. The oldest a girl 2 years younger than I would do things deliberatly and lie that it was me so that I would be punished. This lasted 3 months.
Placement 2 was kincare. By this time due to grief and loss issues it was too late. I belive if this placement would have had the knowledge and tools available today they would have been able to control me and help me heal. Placement lasted 2 years.
3rd placement with bio parent/step parent...and the nightmare continued. A bio mother whose abuse was violently physical and cruelly mental. A step father whose abuse was chronic and severely sexual. This placement lasted 10 months.
4th placement with emergency foster care lasted 6 weeks.
5th placement put me back with previous kincare provider. Lasted 3 months.
6th placement put me with a NREFM (non related extended family member) which lasted for 3 months.
During those tumultuous years I raged within, turning against everyone and everything. At 14 I began useing methamphetamine. This was my drug of choice for the next 17 years. I spent those 17 years in a spiral of self hatred, self abuse, many violent relationships, and the eventual felony conviction. I was killing myself slowly...and I knew it. I even welcomed the idea of death. Yet there was always a small part of me that enjoyed life and perhaps my curiosity of what would happen next that kept me from actual suicide.
After my drug conviction I realized that it was time to make a change. I could no longer continue this way. I knew within a year I would be dead or in prison for good.
The first change was to walk away from a abusive relationship with the clothes on my back. I never looked back. I had 14 days clean at that moment and I began to feel my own internal strength.
The second change was to overcome my addiction. This was a challenge, but I am a very strong willed person...I am a fighter ready to take on challenge.
It is 11 years later. I have survived & overcome. I have 11 years clean. I am a psychology major, and I instruct workshops on R.A.D. I work as an assistant in the local/regional foster/kincare education programs. In 2009 I married the man of my dreams.
In all of this though, even as a child, I knew that I never wanted to birth my own children. As a child I knew that I wanted to adopt the children that nobody else wanted. Now as an adult, I am finally able to realize that dream... Thus our journey to adopt from foster care begins...
Here we go...
This is the beginning of a new journey, a new part of my life that is bringing me full circle.
I have a need to document this path, not only for my own self, but for those who might need encouragement as well.
I am not perfect, far from it.
I am not the type of person you might even associate with.
I will not judge you, and I hope that you will offer me the same courtesy...
My husband and I decided to adopt.
This is our journey towards adoption, one that will bring me full circle.
I have a need to document this path, not only for my own self, but for those who might need encouragement as well.
I am not perfect, far from it.
I am not the type of person you might even associate with.
I will not judge you, and I hope that you will offer me the same courtesy...
My husband and I decided to adopt.
This is our journey towards adoption, one that will bring me full circle.
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